As my colleague Elsie Lefebvre told me the other day, Montreal has never been so dirty, so ugly and so depressing.
There are so many holes, detours, roadworks, construction sites and orange cones that if this continues, even my Waze application will get on my nerves.
LE WEEK-END BLING-BLING
But who cares regarding poverty, lack of housing, potholes, boarded up businesses and schizophrenic homeless people left to fend for themselves: this weekend, Montreal will put three coats of foundation on its old crevasses and pretending that she is the Countess du Barry, the Duchess de Langeais, the Marquise de Pompadour!
We’re going to play it! We’re going to rock the boat! We’re going to rent a Lamborghini to impress the gallery, rinse our mouths with champagne and smoke cigars the size of Gérard Depardieu’s calves!
Yes sir !
Because it’s Grand Prix weekend – or, as I like to call it, the Festival du Je-m’en-foutisme!
The fight once morest climate change? I don’t care, I’m going to sniff gasoline for three days!
The fight once morest organized crime? I don’t care, I’ll give my pay to a pimp!
The decrease ? I don’t care, I’m going to fill my credit card to the max to eat spaghetti with tomato sauce for $55!
It’s the bling-bling weekend, friends! Fla-fla weekend!
Open your cedar chest and take out your signed clothes!
Your Lacoste shirt! Your Ralph Lauren polo shirt! Your Ray-Ban sunglasses!
It’s the return of the 1980s! When money and styling gel didn’t have a bad press!
When Gordon Gekko said: Greed is good ! »
And Tony Montana: First, you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women ! »
Goodbye, baby!
MONTREAL DANCES AT YOUR TABLE
During the Grand Prix weekend, Montreal opens its legs!
Come and taste our joie de vivre, gentlemen!
Come and taste our joy of living!
Take advantage of your stay to tour our cultural institutions!
At Parée! The Amazons! The Kamasutra! The Axis! The Vegas! Solid Gold! Wanda’s!
Meet our greatest artists!
Sandra! Sabrina! Samantha! Jessica! Natacha! Brenda!
And their manager: Steve! Peter! Verdieu! Westley!
Helpful guys! Who will answer all your requests!
Take advantage of our SQDC branches!
They sell cinnamon and blackcurrant bites!
Blood orange juice!
Hibiscus sparkling water!
Lemon black iced tea!
Capsules! Oils!
Montreal stretches out before you, gentlemen!
Discover its mysteries! Explore its streets!
LIKE AT YOUR PLACE !
Proof that residents of the greater Montreal area are ready to do anything to make American tourists feel at home: for the first time this year, shootings have been planned!
In Rivière-des-Prairies, Laval and even in the independent Republic of the Plateau!
It’s going to backfire like in Baltimore!
And enjoy the race, because it’s the only time you can see cars driving in Montreal without stopping every 12 feet, and on quality asphalt!
Welcome ! Bonjour !