The fifth wave of the epidemic has claimed thousands of lives, and countless family members “leave without saying goodbye” to their loved ones without any preparation. The thoughts of the deceased are unresolved, and the living have nothing to say. Recently, there has been an increase in the number of cases in the community seeking divorce counseling, including many who have lost their loved ones due to the epidemic.
Text: Nguyen Huimin, Bereavement Counselor, Tan Yashi Du Peizhen Ann House Center
Wei Wen and Yi Qing are two brothers and sisters. Their father passed away 20 years ago due to illness. A few years ago, their elder brother Wei Wen started a family and his younger sister Yi Qing was an accountant and lived with her mother. Their family bond is very deep.
At the beginning of the year, the epidemic situation was severe. The mother in her 60s was stuck at home for more than two months, and she said to her two siblings, “I really want to go out shopping!” Unexpectedly, the mother contracted the new crown virus later, and was admitted to the hospital for treatment and recovered. pass away. Since public hospital visits were prohibited at the time, the family was unable to accompany my mother through the final journey of her life.
Adorable self-destructive tendencies
“I didn’t think that my mother left when I went out shopping. It’s all my fault! I promised her to go out with her, and it was I who killed my mother.” Yi Qing looked sad and kept blaming herself.
Weiwen comforted Yiqing, explained that it was not her fault, and said that she also accompanied her mother to go shopping, which was an accident. I also tried to persuade her from the sidelines and tried to ease her emotions, but following repeated many times, Harumi kept blaming herself. At the same time, I found that she had a tendency to self-destruct.
Yiqing shouted, “I’m going to find my mother!”
I asked, “How do you find your mother?”
She bowed her head: “Seeking death. The road to life will reunite me with my mother”
“What will be the impact on your brother and family when you are gone? I can’t take your injury away, but I feel sad for your injury.” I tapped her shoulder, and she seemed relieved.
Nguyen Huimin, Bereavement Counselor, Tan Yashi Du Pei Zhen An Home Centre
release negative emotions
It turned out that since the outbreak of the epidemic, Yiqing suffered from depression due to the increased workload and pressure in the accountant office, as well as her discord with her colleagues. However, she did not follow the doctor’s instructions to take medicine on time, resulting in repeated illness. Coupled with the death of her mother, her depression has intensified, not only increasing negative emotions, but also experiencing symptoms such as insomnia, loss of appetite, loss of interest in things, refusal to socialize, and self-destructive thoughts.
In addition, Yiqing believes that not being able to say goodbye to her mother has become the biggest regret in her life. I tried to guide her to recall the scene when her mother was admitted to the hospital, the sight of the two of them visiting the patient through the glass of her mother’s ward, the picture of touching her mother’s hands for the last time before admission, and the bits and pieces of life with her mother, all of which are very precious; Yi Qing’s melancholy eyes , showing a hint of sadness.
Since Yi Qing’s grief was more serious, she suffered from depression, and even had a strong desire to seek death, I suggested Wei Wen to take her to a psychiatrist for consultation, and advised her to take medicine regularly. Generally speaking, the frequency of parting counseling is regarding once a month, but according to the circumstances of Yiqing, I will increase the number of counseling times to relieve her sadness.
love forever
During the grieving stage, many bereaved people will experience depression, even insomnia, inability to work and rest, loss of appetite, depression, a state of loneliness and emptiness, and loss of focus and direction. When we counsel the bereaved, we focus on “listening, analyzing, and counseling” to relieve their inner grief, pain and pressure, thereby helping the bereaved to turn negative emotions into motivation for survival.
At the same time, we also encourage the bereaved to share their grief, reflections and moments from the lives of their loved ones. When the bereaved person has calmed down, we will use some methods, such as: picking up belongings in stages, writing letters to relatives, talking to relatives’ photos, and using boxes to save the deceased’s favorite items, etc., to ease the bereaved’s grief.
At present, Yi Qing has received two separate counseling sessions and sought medical treatment from a psychiatrist. I hope that through counseling and support, I can help her get out of the dark and get her life back on track. In fact, although close relatives leave, but love is always with you, guarding each other’s memories.
The bereaved can share their grief by writing to their loved ones who have passed away.