But behind every line that toxic parents say, there is something more than just a desire to humiliate you. Find out what the most common toxic statements are hiding in the Heroine article.
1. We sacrificed a lot for you, you should be grateful
This is one of the phrases that make you feel like you should or feel guilty.
She completely ignores the fact that when people have a child, they voluntarily take responsibility for it. To make a sacrifice in this case is only their choice.
This phrase is usually said by parents who are not satisfied with the way their life has turned out. They have not achieved their goals and have not achieved what they want, so they are trying to get us to do what they want.
2. It’s not our fault that you’re so sensitive.
You burst into tears because your mother criticized you. Or angry when you were accused of something you didn’t do. Any manifestation of your emotions is attributed to the fact that you are simply sensitive and do not know how to correctly perceive their words.
This pattern of behavior is the unwillingness of parents to take responsibility for their words and actions, and also to admit that they were wrong. They don’t want to say “sorry” or try to communicate differently.
Often accusations of sensitivity are heard in families in which there is a ban on the manifestation of emotions. It is important to remember that you have the right to live any feelings. And the fact that parents are not able to endure them is not your problem.
3. You are just like your father
If parents are constantly in conflict or are divorced, we can hear such a phrase from our mother.
She may deliberately try to spoil your relationship with her father by constantly comparing you with him in negative aspects. Or do it to emphasize that the person who was next to her is not good enough or wrong.
Mom refuses to take responsibility for the role she played in the divorce. Instead of acting dignified and emotionally mature, she projects all her negativity onto you and expects you to hate your father just as much as she does.
4. We do it for you because we are parents and we know what’s best
This is another one of the clearest examples of manipulation in a toxic relationship. Parents believe that they know better what needs you have and what you need in life. This can be anything from what you eat for breakfast to choosing a partner.
This happens because of the internal desire for control and overprotection. This phrase is used by powerful and strict parents in order to get what they want from the child or inspire him with their dreams and interests that they might not realize.
5. You will not achieve anything in life
The more we hear this phrase, the more it undermines our self-esteem.
If your parents often make you feel like you are worthless or that you are not good enough at something, this may indicate their own complexes. Or high expectations in relation to you, which you do not justify.
They just can’t accept you for who you are and your choice. Especially if it’s different from their own.
6. We were just joking, no need to be offended
In a toxic relationship, insults can be hidden behind a veil of humor. Parents allow themselves to criticize or condemn comments under the guise of a joke. After our angry reaction or frustration to such humor, they offer to “cool off” and not take everything to heart.
The translation of insults into humor is an indicator of unwillingness to take responsibility for what was said. They think they should be telling you the truth, but when they get backlash, they back down.
In their opinion, you are not allowed to feel resentment, disappointment or sadness just because they want the best. Therefore, they are not going to apologize for this or change the form of communication with you.
7. You are skinny/fat/short/ugly
One of the traits of toxic parents is to insult you for the way you look. They may do this in the form of a joke or harsh criticism.
Often the reason for this is problems with the perception of the appearance of the one who offends you. To feel better, the parent looks for flaws in you and focuses on them. Sometimes it seems to them that in this way they are just telling you the truth, although no one asked them to.
