2023-06-25 13:00:00
How do you know, when you are a parent, if your child is in psychological pain? “If there is no point in making a diagnosis yourself, reflexes can help detect things”, asks child psychiatrist Arnaud Fernandez, head of the expert center for psychotrauma at the Lenval pediatric center. The practitioner, who works within the University Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry of Pr. Askenazy, gives his advice.
#1 Telling yourself that it doesn’t necessarily only happen to older people
“Allowing yourself to tell yourself that your child may not be well is already listening”, first poses the Nice practitioner. For that, it is still necessary to shatter a received idea, he warns. “Our mental software considers childhood as the period of carelessness. But ill-being is not necessarily the prerogative of adolescents or adults”warns the professional in order to avoid any situation of denial.
#2 Establish a daily dialogue ritual (even a short one)
Creating the conditions conducive to confidence requires a little regularity, according to the Nice practitioner. “For him to speak, you have to have this ability to be sufficiently connected with your child”, he said. How? “These days, it is common for both parents to work a lot. But the ideal is to make time available for your child when you come home in the evening. 10 minutes, 15 minutes, more, it doesn’t matter, but quality. Without a phone , one on one if there are siblings”he explains.
As to the opportune moment and the method to be employed, “it’s up to each of us to find the right way to work”, judges the child psychiatrist, who however formally advises once morest going into interrogation mode by questioning the child too directly. “We can open the dialogue during a game, set aside time at bedtime, tell everyone regarding their day… You have to go by feeling but there shouldn’t be an evening without it”advises the practitioner who encourages parents to trust each other. “They are the ones who know their child best, they must not forget that they are the first resource for them.”
#3 Know how to spot warning signs
Difficulties that suddenly appear at school, anxiety regarding going to class, a child who sleeps less well or changes his appetite, destructive, irritable or angry behavior, a child who turns his back on learning or activities that usually make him happy… “There is a whole range of small clues to identify the malaise of a child, said Arnaud Fernandez. But be careful, however, not to be too prescriptive: a learning disability does not necessarily mean that your child has an emotional disorder, inattention or hyperactivity. The idea is not to make a diagnosis as a parent but to identify.
#4 Make small adjustments at home
“Many disorders are transient and can be resolved by restoring a little family unity”, tempers Arnaud Fernandez. This can involve readjusting your child’s diet or being vigilant regarding his sleep needs which, if they are not met, can be a source of attention disorders or even depression. “More than the number of hours of sleep, it is the quality of it that matters, explains the practitioner. There are short and long sleepers. A child who has recovered is dynamic, voluntary during the day.” To take stock of the real needs of his child in this area, Arnaud Fernandez advises parents to consult the resources of the Morphee Network.
At home, the readjustment can also be on the side of the activity that you offer your child. “The idea is not to push him to do a billion things but that he participates, that he gets involved whether it’s in a game of 7 families or on a bike ride.”
As for screens, the child psychiatrist from Nice advises not to make them THE single node of family relations. “In consultation, I notice an overreaction to screens, which are totally demonized. The ideal is to offer an attractive alternative for children, without being only restrictive. If you can’t do it, sit down with his child to share this moment, question him regarding what he saw, push him to reformulate the story, that’s good too”according to this specialist who nevertheless draws a red line. “There is one thing to banish: it’s scrolling on the phone in front of short videos that say nothing. That worries me much more than a child who would spend 4 hours watching a film with a real narration, a moral , a developed imagination”he warns.
#5 Promote your child’s friendly network
“Between kindergarten and CM2, we often tend to think that children find friends easily, that it doesn’t really count. It’s not true, friendly relations are a founding circle for its balance”, details the child psychiatrist from Nice. Promoting the child’s friendly network, taking an interest in it, taking it into account is therefore an important resource for its well-being, according to Arnaud Fernandez. “You have to show him that you can support the development of his relationships, by being kind to his friends or by criticizing them when necessary without being disqualifying, by leading his child in the right direction.”
#6 Do not forget yourself in your role as a parent
Be careful not to put yourself in the background to only be interested in the mental health of your child, warns Arnaud Fernandez. “It is essential to free oneself from guilt: a parent has the right to need to play sports, to go out to see his friends, to consult. To deal with a child who is not doing well and to help him, it is necessary to be well yourself”, he warns.
#7 Talk regarding it around you and consult
“When small adjustments do not allow the resolution of the child’s disorder, it is time to trust his instincts and go to consult a professional”asks Arnaud Fernandez, who wants to reassure. “In the majority of cases, care is psychotherapeutic. The use of medication is limited, even if it can be useful for persistent inattention and/or hyperactivity disorders [TDAH] notably.”
To find a professional, the school can be a starting point. “Soliciting school psychologists can be quite relevant. These professionals are also able to refer the family to a medico-psychological center, which can help to have an early consultation window. In private practice, psychologists can also do balance sheets. And if the situation is too pressing, that the concern rises, the emergencies are obviously there for that.
To obtain the address of a medico-psychological center near you, contact the Lenval pediatric center on 04 92 03 03 92.
1687762870
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