If you’re in the habit of breaking up with your partner and then getting back together, you might feel like you’re starring in an episode of your favorite soap opera. If the TV show The fires of love is fun to watch, you probably want a little more stability than the Victor and Nikki characters.
What is at stake in this case? According to Sharea Farmer, social worker and owner of RS Counseling & Wellness Center, someone who suffers from an emotional dependency may be more invested in what they can do for their partner than in their behavior with them. “This person can find themselves in the cycle of breakups/reconciliations because they see their partner as ‘needing them to survive,'” she explains. For some, this may be considered normal in romantic relationships, but that person usually only focuses on improving their partner. For the person struggling with emotional dependence, it means that his identity is linked to the faults and vices of the other.
When this happens, the affective addict feels compelled – consciously or unconsciously – to help reinforce those flaws. “Therefore, breaking up and getting back together is just one way to reproduce this unhealthy pattern,” adds Sharea Farmer. It creates a cycle of emotional dependence that looks a lot like co-dependency.”
